He's finally out of my system. From now on I'm referring him as M. Whole liking thing must have been just temporal insanity. Or just revenge of my suffocated feelings. I have really, really, really tried to bury all wishes of dating and even marriage because of my ex. He really fooled me there. I ended up giving him everything I was and when I found out he had fallen for another woman, I was devastated. But I'm glad that I'm over him too. I'm not ever going to refer him anything but "ex". He deserves no better.
So, what now? My desire for relationship has been awakened from deep, deep slumber. Now that I don't have anything towards M, I can seek for my ideal man. I do know more than well, that you can never actually find that ideal man. But where's the fun if I don't at least try? My requirements are not as particular as they used to be when I was a teenager. I used to carry a list of my requirements for a man in my wallet. Silly, ain't it? That's ten years ago. Against major belief, I have matured.
Another problem has aroused. There's this one really cute guy in my congregation. Well, not a big problem you might think. But, he's underaged. I feel like pedobear whenever I bask in his glorious visage. I haven't talked to him, just because I have mild interest in him. Twelve year age difference is just too much. I'm a bit shoutacon, must admit. But would never ever do anything illegal. Let's call him A. He's not the whole problem. The other part is his little brother, D. I might be paranoid or something, but I think he's taken interest in me. I can't confirm anything, but whenever I lay my eyes on him he turns his eyes away. This I must observe further.
And still, there's one more guy. He'll be J. He's older than me, just like M, but the difference isn't as unbearable as it is with M. He's clearly taken interst in me. He hasn't actually talked to me, but to my parents. Building good foundation with possible inlaws? Whatever it is, it's making me uncomfortable.
Kinda weird. First I actually thought that M was my only option and I had to settle with that and now I notice there's bunch of males that find me interesting. I'm so glad that I got over M. I can't even think of life with him, so why did I consider it so seriously? Damn women! I have never understood other women and now I see that I'm no different from them. No wonder I don't understand myself from time to time. I blame hormones.
So my quest for husband continues. I really hate the "damsel in distress" play that some women pull. No way I'm going to be the poor little princess waiting for her prince. Ohnoes, I'm warrior queen looking for "sire in distress"!