Jan. 13th, 2013

elsrith: mata090680 (Default)
I do not love you. I'm in love with the you in my dreams. Damn the sweet, lovely dreams! They're making me feel more and more confused. I have so mixed feelings about this all. Does he like me or am I just paranoid or what are my true feelings? It's clear that my dreams are product of my wishes. Everything is so perfect in dreams. Everything feels right. He's perfect and he loves me. But I don't believe that that's anything near realistic.

Sometimes I feel like he knows about this journal. But that's impossible! No one knows about this! I haven't told about this to anyone I know. This is my secret project.

I just wish there would be somekinda closure to this. A final word about his feelings. Yes or No. No or Yes.


Jan. 13th, 2013 06:59 pm
elsrith: (pic#5517261)
Why do I feel like that all single men are eyeing me? Come on girl! Get a grip! It's impossible. Also I find it weird that little A's aunt's husband has eye on me too. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything but the fact he also knows that I'm crazy about the little A. Crazy is good word for this. I don't quite feel like myself. Part time normal, part time bonkers.

I haven't bothered to think too deeply about my feelings about little A. I'm so sure that the feelings will go away if I ignore them. Sometimes it's difficult to not to notice them. Especially when I feel the cold fire in my veins and burning heat on my cheeks. I try to convince myself that it's impossible. And then I have absolutely wonderful dream about him and there we go again. I must stop this before reality and fantasy is going to entwine so badly that I'm unable to escape.

I really, really, really love you, little A of my dreams. I'm not too sure about the real one.


elsrith: mata090680 (Default)

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