Mar. 9th, 2012

elsrith: mata090680 (Default)
Now that I have completely accepted, that he might be ok to choose, I have been able to get over him. He doesn't dominate my mind as much as he did. But this all made very clear to me, that I want, need, desire a relationship. It's been long since I felt so strongly about anyone. I still think that he could be the one, but I still want to take my time to make up my mind. Actually it's relieving that my mind isn't such a mess anymore. Living alone just have made me crave for someone to love.

It's been years since I felt like wanting to love someone. My previous experiences haven't been much couraging. And now that I think back, I haven't really loved anyone. Not properly. I have felt only strong infatuation. Those feeling were always filled with doubt, possessiveness, jealousy and anger. Not love. Love is caring, gentle, selfless and forgiving. That kind of feelings I have felt only towards my family and friends. Because every man I have had feelings for I have grown to hate. Love should not change into hate. That's not real love. Feels kinda dissappointing and sad to realise that I haven't loved anyone in my life. Though I have always been seeking for love. If I ever did love someone, I should still have positive feelings towards them. but I don't. Every single man I have fancied, I hate now.

Kinda pathetic. But still, I don't want to label myself "Forever Alone" yet.

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elsrith: mata090680 (Default)
Elysian

March 2013

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